I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
