Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
