I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
