If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
