Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
