Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
