My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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