I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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