Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
