I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
