So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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