I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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