lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize