The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
