just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
