How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
