i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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