It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
