We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
