i may or may not be watching the land before time
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
