Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize