when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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