allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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