Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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