just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
