She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My balls are so social today.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
