VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
