who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
