??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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