i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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