Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
