My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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