i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
