trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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