im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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