Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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