Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
