the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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