she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
