Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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