I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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