Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
