sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
