the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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