Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
