i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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