There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
