I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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