The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You may now shotgun with the bride
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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