im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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