6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
