R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
