i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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