I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
