I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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