OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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