i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize