your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
