so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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