I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I AM VODKA MAN
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize