i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
