Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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