Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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