My first STD was from a foam party
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
