ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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