Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
