his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
