I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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