I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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