The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
