Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
