He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
